the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
