Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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