what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
