I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
