Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
