I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
