I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
two words...techno handjob
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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