i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
