Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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