Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
