My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
