Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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