On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
