How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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