There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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