dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
