Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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