Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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