WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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