Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this boner is exhausting
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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