I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
