Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
