so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize