You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
