i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
