She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
