guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
