Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
