And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
