this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Four minutes until I can fart!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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