I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
