Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
