theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
