I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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