So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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