Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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