Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
