Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
