i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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