Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
