i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
