i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
