I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
