So drunk its hurt
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
