I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize