A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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