Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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