I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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