I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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