just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
