HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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