I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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