biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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