What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
