Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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