I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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