i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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