You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
