I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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