I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
