Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
