If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
