i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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