It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
