I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
