The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
