My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
