People with herpes should wear stickers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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