You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
