I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
