i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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